English Is So Weird

English is a great language, but it does have its flaws.

Think about it: There are so many instances of double meanings, words that sound alike but are completely different in meaning, and silent letters that just don’t add anything.

Let’s take double meanings. How about the word “wrench,” as in “I thought I would wrench (verb) my back twisting that hard on my wrench (noun).”

So depending on how a word is used -- as a noun or a verb -- can conjure the correct definition in the mind of the reader/listener.

Let’s take “sound alike” words, such as “shoot” and “chute,” “maul” and “mall,” or “red” and “read.” For these words to make sense, they have to be used in the context of a sentence.

And let’s take words that contain silent letters that are not pronounced. Such as “knife,” or “psychiatry” or “xylophone.”

There’s perhaps a perfectly good reason why these words are spelled as they are, given the fact that English draws upon many other languages for its sources.

But who’s going to go track them down?

Probably not me.

And then there are the funny expressions we’ve all come to accept and use.

Expressions like “slept like a baby,” or “sweat like a pig,” or “swims like a fish.”

As any parent knows, babies rarely sleep through the night. Which means new parents rarely sleep through the night.

How anyone thought “I slept like a baby” was an apt expression for a great night’s sleep is beyond me.

And when we say, “It was so hot I was sweating like a pig” is obviously unfamiliar with porcine sweat glands. Yes, they have a few sweat glands, but they are not that useful, which is why they like to lay in muddy water to keep cool.

I’ve never seen a pig sweat, although I admit I don’t spend much time hanging out with them on hot Summer days.

And while there are some people who can swim really well, I’ve never seen anyone who could actually swim like a fish, with all that fast darting and dipping and jumping out of the water.

Yes, these are colorful expressions that we tend to lean on in certain circumstances, and if you were born in America you’ve heard them countless times and immediately know what’s being said.

But just imagine a poor foreigner trying to understand these weird expressions and confusing words.

They could be excused from throwing up their hands and saying, “U Americans R sooooo krazy!!!!!”