A Monumental Decision

I was watching the first preseason football game the other day between the New England Patriots and the Washington Football Team.

Yes, that’s Washington, D.C.'s team's no-name name after they got rid of the most offensive name in sports: the Redskins.

The team has played as the Redskins since 1933, but over the years controversy has been growing because of its racially insensitive sound to many. In 2019, a study found 49 percent of Native Americans deemed the name offensive.

Just think about it: Would you want to cheer for a team called the Whiteskins, or the Yellowskins, or the Brownskins or the Blackskins?

Probably not.

So in 2020, team owners agreed to drop the Redskins moniker but -- readily lacking a new name -- chose to play the 2020 and 2021 seasons under the generic name Washington Football Team.

They also said they would replace that temporary name with a permanent name in 2022.

But the Washington Football Team? That’s about the lamest name in the world.

And why would it take TWO YEARS to come up with another name?

I think I could come up with something great much, much sooner.

In most cases, teams are named after something in their region that tends to describe something about it, i.e., the New England Patriots, Minnesota Vikings (lots of Scandinavian-descent residents), the Denver Broncos (wild horses in the West) etc.

So let’s look at the Washington, D.C. area.

It’s the home of our national government, so the obvious choice is something reflective of that, right?

So how about the Washington Lawmakers? The Legislators? Representatives? Presidents?

(Hmmm, that last one isn’t too bad…)

Or the Partisans (given the present state of government)?

Or some names that may reflect how many people feel about government right now, such as the Do-Nothings? Or the Office Buyers? Or the Lobbyist Lovers? Or the Vote Suppressors?

But I have a name suggestion that COULD actually work.

The Washington Monuments!

Yes, it’s a cool-sounding name that certainly reflects the attractions of the area. And the Washington Monument is arguably the most monumental of all the local tourist hot spots.

Consider: It’s TALL. It’s MASSIVE. It projects STRENGTH. It towers over everything around it.

I’m thinking about a T-shirt that features the Washington Monument wearing a helmet and a jersey with an arm held up about to toss a football.

Can’t you picture it?

It’s a merchandising dream, guaranteed not to offend anyone!

And remember:

You heard it here first.

(Probably)

(NOTE: The Washington Football Team officially changed its name to the Washington Commanders on Feb. 1, 2022)